something to live for

Saturday, January 22, 2011

The Thing I Never Expected....

I never thought that I could love someone so much.
My son Parker was born December 20,2010 and my life [for the better] changed.
My love for him is unlike anything else I have ever felt. It warms my heart to see him learn how to smile and when he knows the sound of my voice. It amazes me that his connection with me is unlike anything I've even known. People always told me that if I was upset he could feel it and he would know that I was upset or happy. I didn't know this was true until I hit a low point the other day. He cried just as I started to cry.

It was like we were feeling all the same feelings.

But as time went on I calmed down and so did he.
Being a mom was not what I thought it would be. There are hard times [of course] but the happy and great times we have are the most amazing. Nap time is one of my favorites only because [this is a little odd] but I can watch him sleep peacefully and know that he is alright. It also gives me time to think and hope for the best for the little guy.
I don't want him to end up like me. Ive had some messed up times. but I guess that's what every mom wants for their child but some children end up just like their parents in one way or another.

I have to be perfectly honest. I wish and hope that he doesn't turn out like his father. Not in any way. I don't care if he look like him but I do care if he ends up like him. Is that so horrible to want that?! [I'm not sure..ugh]

But as time goes on I enjoy being a mom and becoming a person I never thought I would become. Its a nice change so far and I hope that it keeps getting better so that I can better myself even more.

I heard one of my close friends say the most amazing thing about his mom " She's the brightest star in my sky." and ever sense I heard that I wish and I hope that one day my son can say something that nice about me to one of his friends. :)