Day 1

So today is the start of something new.. even though i got my heart broken. well it feels broken. But i have to be honest i'm happy it happened now instead of later on. i feel like if it happened later i would be crying harder than i am now. but i guess if time is what we all need then time is what we get. all day today people have asked what was wrong and i'm not good at hiding things ofcorse its me so i told them and all i got was he isn't worth it. or you need someone better than that who can really love you for you. but right now all i want is him. but i guess this is my year.. so people tell me but at the moment i feel lost and numb and i just didnt want things to end like this i guess...

I think I may be in love like kinda head over heels..is that bad?

things i want to do...with him...

so i have to get this out. its a list of things that i would like to do with my boyfriend.. some of it may be silly but i still want to try to so these things..

-want to go see the chirstmas light down town
-walk memory grove at night
-have a drunken night
-go get lost somewhere neither one of us know
-have sex some where random
-make cookies
-go to disney land... i know its crazy but i want to
-go on a road trip
-have silly nick names for eachother
-go to summer concerts
-go on lots of hikes
-one day maybe move in together... maybe
-get to know you like you know yourself


more to come when i think about them

realized that

So i realized today that my son turns 1 in 19 days. and to be honest i'm kinda freaking out. sure i'm excited to see him grow up and become a little boy but all at the same time i sit back and think about where did all my time go? I feel like this year has just gone by soo fast and there is nothing i can  do to slow it down. even though i dont want it to slow down because i'm so excited to see what happens but all at the same i want to take my time getting there.
Not only am i excited to see my son grow up but i'm also pretty excited to see what happens with my boyfriend. i'm not in a rush to rush things with him i'm just excited to see what happens. i tend to wonder often how long it will last and everything else like that.. when it comes to thinking about him i feel like i'm a little girl in grade school... but i have not written my name with his.. it seems too childish to do that and wayyy to soon. But i'm still super excited. the hard part is is he wants to travel a lot and i dont have a problem with it i just will miss him lots. i mean i would love to go with him and see the world i just have a son who comes first. But anywho on another note i'm super excited for christmas it should be pretty amazing. :) 

I know its silly but..

I'm a girl thats all I can say. And to be honest I get kinda love sick and I love it.
so for about two months..ish I've been dating this guy whom at the moment hold part of my heart. I only say part because I feel like if I give him my whole heart then things might turn for the worst knowing my they always do. So here I am a silly girl who keeps track of how long I've had him as my boyfriend. and I have to say that in two months life couldn't be any better. Its nice because I dont have to see him every day. I enjoy my time for me but on the other hand I love spending time with him and parker. And if I could I would be with him most of the time. But for right now its nice to see him when I get the chance.

At this moment in my life I can't decide if I want to settle down.. not meaning go and run off and get married i just mean to take my time with a boyfriend and make it last. and maybe one day far far in the future maybe then get married. But who knows cuz to be honest I dont even know all I know is what I want and right now all I want is him :)

smile

boyfriend :)

I wanna remember you. Anything and everything about you I want to know. the ins and outs what makes you tick. your secrets a little about your past. I want to open you up like a book and see what you have to teach me. I believe that no one just walks into you life to just be there. they always seem to teach you something good or bad its always something. but you never know what they have to teach you until the day they walk away. in which I hope you dont walk away. I want this.. this relationship to last sometime. I want part of everything with you. i only say part because  I dont know what the future holds. But as of now I do know that I want to spend nights with you even the drunken ones. i want to watch sunset and sun rises. I’m at a point in my life where i know i’m young and i know theres soo much to enjoy and i want to enjoy some of these things with you. but i have to say the one thing i want is a picture of us. i know its something you dont do but i still would love one.. one day.. no pressure [heehee] 

But i need to say thank you.. for every thing. for the laughter for the smiles. for all the times you made me blush i’ve enjoyed every moment.. thank you

<3 

so i realized

today that i miss you. i know that we have our things that we have to do . but hell i sure do miss you. i want to have an adventure with you. get lost somewhere were we just dont have to care. i want to be held tight and get lost in our kiss. i'm not complaing dont get me wrong but hell i'm just a silly girl who loves and miss' her boyfriend. 

BUT on another note i got a new tattoo today :)

 kinda wish you were there with me but i did it on my own held it all together [because i'm the biggest baby ever] it was a nice therapy. 

i find it odd that i started to make a list in my head.. all the things i want to do with you... kind of a  lot of firsts to be honest.. im just not even sure if i should write them down or not. But this will be a first to have a you for the holidays. which i'm sorta excited for but i'm not sure if i should just let all my excitement out and just be who i am during this time ... or just conceal it ... eff that i love the holidays too much i gotta be me[that was a silly question]
oh by the way i have to say my boyfriend is pretty much the best.. i love him for the fact that he bring me redbulls in the morning while i'm at work.. gotta say it makes my days. screw roses when you can get redbulls BAHAHAHA

sorry lots of random things but i guess i just had to get them out..

Love you all