i want more days like these

so I'm starting to slowly edit my picture that I've been taking, and mind you I'm not the best at it BUT while I was editing I came across some pictures that I'm in love with.
Only because this day just gets stuck in my thoughts from time to time.

This Boy holds my heart...well part of it.
This day with him I have to say I'll always remember. I wish I knew why because nothing special happened. It was just an overcast day but everything just fit right together.

It was so good that it almost scared me. I've always been okay around people and I've always known what to say and what to do. But when I get around him I get so quit and everything kinda goes still. This is all so new to me that I feel like the slightest thing could mess it up.
I can't say that I want to be with him forever only because forever doesn't last. Everything comes to an end one way or another but as of right now its all day by day and there's no rush.

so as of right now he can hold part of my heart  make me giddy as hell and loss everything thought that I have. And no matter how long we last  I will enjoy everything time I get with him. Weather it be for 5 minutes or a whole day. I'm going to enjoy it. Leave every wondering thought at the door and just be with him in that time and the space that we have.
I know that in time everything will come to be.

its something about black and white photos that just make everything seem

so 

perfect 

the boy

who holds my heart in his hands and doesn't know it :)

enjoying the falling leaves

there is hope

So it has taken some time to finally realize that there is hope.
There is no reason to give up and just walk away.
I need to be BRAVE and just go through with it.
I understand that life is hard and shit happens, but I have to say I'm pretty sick of this SHIT always happening to me. I'm tried of my past haunting me and scaring me from behind.
I'm DONE.
I'm done with all the crazy shit other people cause and just decide to drag me with me.
So I guess I need to sit back and Breath and just stand up for myself and go with what I want and not what everyone else around me wants.

The Thing I Never Expected....

I never thought that I could love someone so much.
My son Parker was born December 20,2010 and my life [for the better] changed.
My love for him is unlike anything else I have ever felt. It warms my heart to see him learn how to smile and when he knows the sound of my voice. It amazes me that his connection with me is unlike anything I've even known. People always told me that if I was upset he could feel it and he would know that I was upset or happy. I didn't know this was true until I hit a low point the other day. He cried just as I started to cry.

It was like we were feeling all the same feelings.

But as time went on I calmed down and so did he.
Being a mom was not what I thought it would be. There are hard times [of course] but the happy and great times we have are the most amazing. Nap time is one of my favorites only because [this is a little odd] but I can watch him sleep peacefully and know that he is alright. It also gives me time to think and hope for the best for the little guy.
I don't want him to end up like me. Ive had some messed up times. but I guess that's what every mom wants for their child but some children end up just like their parents in one way or another.

I have to be perfectly honest. I wish and hope that he doesn't turn out like his father. Not in any way. I don't care if he look like him but I do care if he ends up like him. Is that so horrible to want that?! [I'm not sure..ugh]

But as time goes on I enjoy being a mom and becoming a person I never thought I would become. Its a nice change so far and I hope that it keeps getting better so that I can better myself even more.

I heard one of my close friends say the most amazing thing about his mom " She's the brightest star in my sky." and ever sense I heard that I wish and I hope that one day my son can say something that nice about me to one of his friends. :)